she's nowhere...
she's lost...
wonder if she could ever be
back on the right track again.
she's strong,
yet so fragile.
that one pain...
could shatter her.
she seems happy
but deep inside
its killing her effortlessly!
she never stops,
even how tired she is.
she keeps holding on to something...
"if it's worth waiting for,
then she'll wait".
i only wish that...
SHE IS NOT WAITING FOR NOTHING!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Sorry for the delayed reply. Anyway, thanks for reading it and also for giving your opinions.
Godbless!
helloo !
I'm not really good at reviews but I'm going to try anyway..so be warned XD
I'm going to be your reviewer for today
I want to start of with saying: great write! I really like this poem..It has a lot of emotions in it.
The end of the poem made it even better. It's sad when people don't show what they really feel.
You don't have to change anything but I think it would look better this way..but maybe that's just me
But it doesn't matter really because I still really love this write XD
my favorite part:
really nice work!
-qaralynn-
Oy! I think the last line is something we can hope for all! When you wait for something that is nothing, it is a tragedy.
I probably wouldn't capitalize it though... I think that just makes it seem a bit cheesy.
For the beginning, I think "she's lost" should go before "she's nowhere" since it seems to make a little bit more sense, plus the "nowhere" imagery is a little stronger, so you have a strong image lead into a stronger image. It's cool. Also, the "wonder if she could ever be/ back on the right track again" seems a little needless or confusing. Needless because you just said it in your first two lines, but... well, maybe it's necessary, because you introduce the narrator here, but we don't know who the narrator is because you didn't actually say "I" here,
It seems a bit too much of a contradiction that says "she's strong/ yet so fragile." I mean, it kind of makes sense, but only because it's so cliched. So I would either delve into this idea a little bit more or see if I can word it better. Also, I am interested! Only one pain? What is this pain? Do go on!
In the next stanza, there's a slight typo. This word "its" should be "it's" because it's a contraction. Also, I kind of want to know how she's dying inside. It's very interesting imagery! Do go on!
The next stanza (about being tired and everything) is very interesting... but maybe she likes the fast pace? I don't know... I've met people like that, lol. So, is she burning out quickly and, if so, how can we know without you explicitly telling us? See if you can find a more creative way to put this!
I kind of wonder what she's holding on to. You just said "something." What sort of thing is it? That might give us a good idea about who she is and how desperate she is. If she is clinging to something futile then, like the past, that would give us a different impression than if she were clinging to money. Or family. Or love. So, that might be nice to expand on.
Not sure if I like the quote... it seems a bit cliched.
And, I already commented on the last part!
Anyway, I love the idea! I would love to see it fleshed out a bit more, that's all.